A letter to … My brother, whom I bullied when we were young

I was five when you were born. Looking at pictures from that time, I look so   (1)   with you. I am holding you, I am smiling, and I look fascinated. But I do not remember that feeling, as if the person in the pictures were somebody else.

I was a daddy’s girl, but I was also the one to break in our parents. I used to call myself the family’s guinea pig (豚鼠),    (2)   you were the happy one, the joker, the one who reaped the rewards of all my battles won or lost. So I must have decided that we were enemies, competitors for the love and attention of our parents, and this feeling is in the   (3)  of all my early memories. All I remember is   (4)   you.

So, as long as I could, I made your life full of   (5)  . I teased you, tricked you and   (6)   you. You tell me it’s not as bad as I remember, but I recall a couple of times when you were left in tears. Our little sister was born when I was 11, and very soon you two bonded(团结)   (7)   and pushed me aside. Did you bond with her because I was becoming a monster, or did I become a monster because of your bond?

Thankfully, you quickly grew tall and strong, and soon you were able to overcome me   (8)   . From then on it was down to verbal abuse and psychological warfare. By the time I was at university, you were a teenager and we competed for higher resources: money, the family car, parental pride.

It all came to a    (9)  stop when I moved abroad as an exchange student. Almost 20 years have passed, and the hate   (10)   me some long time ago, while I wasn’t watching. And at the same time,    (11)   must have crept in (悄悄地进入), sneaking somewhere through the back of my mind.

Despite all the abuse during those years, you have turned into a happy, friendly, passionate, generous human being. You are the most handsome and charming person that I know. And, with your wife and best friend, you have just had your first child. Nobody   (12)   this happiness more. you have worked so hard to become who you are.

You have implied that you’ve forgiven me, or even that there is   (13)  to forgive. But I prefer to remember the hurt — I will always hurt in   (14)  when I look back. All those wasted years in which I should have been your loving sister, standing by your side, defending instead of    (15)   you in your own home. I aim to be now what I always should have been.

I am so proud of you, my heart wells up with love for you and your sister. I will be forever glad that I have the chance to love you both.                                 

Your sister