5.
People become more particular about making friends as they approach middle age. But often, people realize how much they have (1) to make new friends only when they encounter a big life event.
That thought struck Lisa, a fund-raising executive, when she was (2) her 39th birthday party. After moving to a new area she realized that even though she had hundreds of Facebook friends, she still didn’t know if she could fill her party’s (3) list. “I did a list of the phases of my life where I’ve (4) to make the most friends, and it was definitely high school,” she said.
After a marriage in his 30s, Robert, an engineer in Washington, realized that his list of friends had been quietly shrinking for years as he (5) career and family. In studies of peer groups, Laura Carstensen, a psychology professor, (6) that middle-aged people tended to interact with fewer people, and that they grew (7) to the friends they already had. Basically, she suggests, this is because people realize that their time horizons are shrinking. “You tend to focus on what is most emotionally (8) to you,” she said, “so you prefer spending time with your kids to going to a club.”
As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three (9) that sociologist have considered critical to making close friends: closeness; repeated unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and (10) each other, said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina.
There is competition in the workplace; (11) , people learn to hide vulnerabilities (脆弱) from colleagues, Dr Adams said. Differences in (12) status and income also matter. “It really does get (13) when your friends are making tons more than you, or tons less,” said Adriane Duckworth, a former marketing executive.
Adding children to the mix makes things worse. Suddenly, you are surrounded by a new circle of parent friends – but the emotional ties can be (14) , as the comedian, Louis C. K., said, “ I spend whole days with those people but I never hang out with them because I didn’t choose them. Our children choose each other, but our (15) is not based on any standard. “