Doctors are known to be terrible pilots. They donˈt listen because they already know it all. I

was lucky: I became a pilot in 1970, almost ten years before I graduated from medical school. I didnˈt realize then, but becoming a pilot makes me a better surgeon. I loved flying. As I flew bigger, faster planes, and in worse weather, I learned about crew resource management (机组资源管理), or CRM, a new idea to make flying safer. It means that crew members should listen and speak up for a good result, regardless of positions.

  I first read about CRM in 1980. Not long after that, an attending doctor and I were flying in

bad weather. The controller had us turn too late to get our landing ready. The attending doctor was flying; I was safety pilot. He was so busy because of the bad turn, he had forgotten to put the landing gear (起落架) down. He was a better pilot—and my boss—so it felt unusual to speak up. But I had to: Our lives were in danger. I put aside my uneasiness and said, “We need to put the landing gear down now！” That was my first real lesson in the power of CRM, and Iˈve used it in the operating room ever since.

  CRM requires that the pilot/surgeon encourage others to speak up. It further requires that

when opinions are from the opposite, the doctor doesnˈt overreact, which might prevent fellow

doctors from voicing opinions again. So when Iˈm in the operating room, I ask for ideas and help

from others. Sometimes theyˈre not willing to speak up. But I hope that if I continue to

encourage them, someday someone will keep me from “landing-gear-up”．

Every year on my birthday, from the time I turned 12, a white gardenia（栀子花）was delivered to my house. It did not come with a card or note of any kind, but I loved the beauty and sweet smell of the flower.

But I never stopped imagining who the giver might be. My mother helped me to imagine. She’d ask me if I had done something kind for anyone. Perhaps the neighbor I’d helped carry heavy bags for. As a teenage, though, I had more fun thinking that it might be a boy I liked at school.

One month before I graduated from high school, my father died . I lost interest in graduation, the senior class play and the prom (毕业舞会). But my mother would not hear of me skipping any of those things. She wanted her children to have a sense that there was beauty in the face of adversity (逆境) , just like the gardenia-lovely, strong and perfect.

My mother died 10 days after I was married. I was 22. That was the year gardenias stopped coming.

Marjorie Baer used to joke about her retirement plans.She wasn’t married and had no kids,but she didn’t intend to be alone—she and all her single friends would move into a fictional home she called Casa de Biddies.Instead,Baer developed terminal brain cancer when she was 52.But just as she’d hoped,her friends and family provided her with love and care to the end.

Ballance was only the first of Baer’s friends who became her unofficial caregivers.With her brother Phil Baer from Los Angeles,they worked out a system to watch over their friend and allow her to keep some of the privacy and independence she cherished.

Baer’s good friend Ruth Henrich took Baer to doctors’ appointments and helped her deal with all the aspects of life —answering machines,TV controls,and even phone numbers.After Henrich sent out an e-mail request,a group of volunteers signed up to ferry Baer back and forth to radiation therapy(放射疗法).Others in Baer’s circle offered up particular talents:A nurse friend helped Baer figure out how to get what she was due from Social Security and her disability insurance;a lawyer pal helped Baer with her will;a partner who was an accountant took over her bills when she could no longer manage them.“There was this odd sense that the right person always showed up,” says Ballance.Their arrangement worked remarkably well.

Unmarried women are one of the fastest-growing groups in America;experts are concerned about how care-giving will be managed for them as they age.If the experience of Baer’s friends is a guide,the Internet will play a role.It’s already making it possible to create communities of caregivers who may have only one thing in common:the person who needs their help.On personal “care pages” set up through services such as Lotsa Helping Hands,friends and family members can post a list of tasks that need to be done,volunteer to do them,and keep updated on the person’s condition.As Baer’s cancer progressed,for example,her friends set up a page on Yahoo! where people could sign up to deliver meals or do errands(差事).　

Catherine Fox,one of the friends who were present when Baer died,was deeply affected.“It was so comforting to know that if you’re willing to ask for help,the generosity of family and friends can be phenomenal(非凡的).It makes me feel secure and hopeful to know that help is there when you need it.”

She appeared at the doorstep of my house in Cornwall. No way could I have sent her away. Maybe someone had kicked her out of their car the night before. “We're moving house.”；“No space for her any more.”；“We never really wanted her.” People find all sorts of excuses. She was one of the most beautiful dogs I had ever seen.

 I called her Goldie. She was so unsettled during those first few days in my house. She hardly ate anything and had such an air of sadness about her. There was nothing I could do to make her happy, it seemed. Heaven knows what had happened to her.

But eventually at the end of the first week she calmed down. Always by my side, whether we were out on one of our long walks or sitting by the fire. That's why it was such a surprise when she pulled away from me one day when we were out for a walk. We were a long way from home, when she started barking and getting very restless. Eventually I couldn't hold her any longer and she raced off down the road towards a farmhouse in the distance as fast as she could.

By the time I reached the farm I was very tired and upset with Goldie. But when I saw her licking (舔) the four puppies (幼犬) I started to feel sympathy towards them. “We didn't know what had happened to her,” said the woman at the door. “I took her for a walk one day, soon after the puppies were born, and she just disappeared.”“She must have tried to come back to them and got lost,” added a boy from behind her.

At age 23, Indian entrepreneur Srikanth Bolla is the CEO of a company valued at INR 50 crore (over $7.5 million). Today, he considers himself the luckiest man in the world, not for his success, but for having supportive parents who always stood by him.

When Srikanth was born blind, several of his parents’ friends and relatives advised them to abandon him. But they chose to not only keep the boy, but also raise him in a positive, loving environment. 

And their excellent parenting has paid off—today, Srikanth is the CEO of Bollant Industries, a Hyderabad-based company that employs physically challenged staff to manufacture eco-friendly consumer packaging solutions made from leaves and recycled paper. It wasn’t an easy ride for Srikanth— he’s had to face several challenges all his life, including rejection from his peers at his village school. As he grew older, he started taking on larger challenges. He was rejected despite having scored well in the entrance test, merely because he was blind. But he managed to use his excellent academic records .He returned to India soon after, and decided to start a company that would employ people who had struggled like himself in life.

Srikanth said, “Compassion（怜悯） is showing somebody the way to live and giving them the opportunity to thrive. Show compassion and make people rich.

A year ago August, Dave Fuss lost his job driving a truck for a small company in west Michigan. His wife, Gerrie, was still working in the local school cafeteria, but work for Dave was scarce, and the price of everything was rising. The Fusses were at risk of joining the millions of Americans who have lost their homes in recent years. Then Dave and Gerrie received a timely gift—＄7,000，a legacy（遗产） form their neighbors Ish and Arlene Hatch, who died in an accident . “It really made a difference when we were going under financially.” says Dave. 

But the Fusses weren’t the only folks in Alto and the neighboring town of Lowell to receive unexpected legacy from the Hatches. Doxens of other families were touched by the Hatches’ generosity. In some cases, it was a few thousand dollars ; in other, it was more than＄100,000. 

It surprised nearly everyone that the Hatches had so much money, more than＄3 million—they were am elderly couple who lived in an old house on what was left of the family farm . 

Children of the Great Depression, Ish and Arlene were known for their habit of saving, They thrived own（喜欢） comparison shopping and would routinely go from store to store, checking prices before making a new purchase . 

Through the years, the Hatches paid for local children to attend summer camp when their parents couldn’t afford it. “Ish and Arlene never asked you needed anything,” says their friend Sand Van Weelden, “They could see things they could do go make you happier, and they would do them. 

Even more extraordinary was that the Hatches had their farmland distributed. It was the Hatches’ wish that their legacy—a legacy of kindness as much as one of dollars and cent —should enrich the whole community（社区） and Ish and Arlene Hatch’s story . 

Neighbors helping neighbors ——that was Ish and Arlene Hatch’s story. 

When I was in primary school, I got into an argument with a boy in my class. I have forgotten what the argument was about, but I have never forgotten the lesson learned that day.

I was convinced that “I” was right and “he” was wrong — and he was just as convinced that “I” was wrong and “he” was right. The teacher decided to teach us a very important lesson. She brought us up to the front of the class and placed him on one side of her desk and me on the other.

In the middle of her desk was a large, round object. I could clearly see that it was black. She asked the boy what color the object was. “White,” he answered.

I couldn’t believe he said the object was white, when it was obviously black! Another argument started between my classmate and me, this time about the color of the object.

The teacher told me to go to stand where the boy was standing and told him to come to stand where I had been. We changed places, and then she asked me what the color of the object was. I had to answer, “White.” It was an object with two differently colored sides, and from his viewpoint it was white. Only from my side was it black.

My teacher taught me a very important lesson that day: You must stand in the other person’s shoes and look at the situation through their eyes in order to truly understand their perspective (看法).

Your job is important and part of what shows who you are. However, in order to be truly successful in life you need to be balanced. After fifteen years in the Information Technology industry, I have learned a few lessons that have helped me maintain my sanity (明智) at work.

The key for me has always been to have hobbies and interests outside of work. It doesn’t matter what you do, but you need time away from your work, time away from your family and time that is strictly yours for enjoyment. This blog, for example, is one of my new hobbies. Without hobbies, or at least a time to decompress, I feel that by the end of the week I’m dead and no use to my family all the weekend long.

I put family first. This doesn’t mean I’m a clock-watcher at work, but means that I leave my work at work and make time for my family. I make sure I’m there for supper almost every night and I spend time with my family (And watching TV doesn’t count). My overall life runs a lot better when I make sure I give time to my family.

If I don’t do something active like running, playing soccer or rock climbing, I tend to be ill-tempered. This is the way I deal with my stress; it’s not only something that makes me feel good, but also means that I can focus on work.

I take time for personal reflection (反省). It makes me feel like all those goals I haven’t reached yet are attainable (可达到的) if I stay focused and on course.