We’ve all been there: in a lift, in line at the bank or on an airplane, surrounded by people who are, like us, deeply focused on their smartphones or, worse, struggling with the uncomfortable silence.

What’s the problem? It’s possible that we all have compromised conversational intelligence. It’s more likely that none of us start a conversation because it’s awkward and challenging, or we think it’s annoying and unnecessary. But the next time you find yourself among strangers, consider that small talk is worth the trouble. Experts say it’s an invaluable social practice that results in big benefits.

Dismissing small talk as unimportant is easy, but we can’t forget that deep relationships wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for casual conversation. Small talk is the grease (润滑剂) for social communication, says Bernardo Carducci, director of the Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast. “Almost every great love story and each big business deal begins with small talk,” he explains. “The key to successful small talk is learning how to connect with others, not just communicate with them.”

In a 2014 study, Elizabeth Dunn, associate professor of psychology at UBC, invited people on their way into a coffee shop. One group was asked to seek out an interaction (互动) with its waiter; the other, to speak only when necessary. The results showed that those who chatted with their server reported significantly higher positive feelings and a better coffee shop experience. “It’s not that talking to the waiter is better than talking to your husband,” say Dunn. “But interactions with peripheral (边缘的) members of our social network matter for our well-being also.”

Dunn believes that people who reach out to strangers feel a significantly greater sense of belonging, a bond with others. Carducci believes developing such a sense of belonging starts with small talk. “Small talk is the basis of good manners,” he says.

Adults understand what if feels like to be flooded with objects． Why do we often assume that more is more when it comes to kids and their belongings？ The good news is that I can help my own kids learn earlier than I did how to live more with less．

    I found the pre﹣holidays a good time to encourage young children to donate less﹣used things， and it worked． Because of our efforts， our daughter Georgia did decide to donate a large bag of toys to a little girl whose mother was unable to pay for her holiday due to illness．  She chose to sell a few larger objects that were less often used when we promised to put the money into her school fund （基金）（our kindergarten is serious about becoming a doctor）

    For weeks， I've been thinking of bigger， deeper questions． How do we make it a habit for them？ And how do we train ourselves to help them live with， need， and use less？ Yesterday， I sat with my son， Shepherd， determined to test my own theory on this． I decided to play with him with only one toy for as long as it would keep his interest． I expected that one toy would keep his attention for about five minutes， ten minutes， max． I chose a red rubber ball﹣simple， universally available． We passed it， he tried to put it in his mouth， he tried bouncing it， rolling it， sitting on it， throwing it． It was totally， completely enough for him． Before I knew it an hour had passed and it was time to move on to lunch．

    We both became absorbed in the simplicity of playing together． He had my full attention and I had his． My little experiment to find joy in a single object worked for both of us．

Give yourself a test. Which way is the wind blowing? How many kinds of wildflowers can be seen from your front door? If your awareness is as sharp as it could be, you’ll have no trouble answering these questions.

Most of us observed much more as children than we do as adults. A child’s day is filled with fascination, newness and wonder. Curiosity gave us all a natural awareness. But distinctions that were sharp to us as children become unclear; we are numb(麻木的）to new stimulation(刺激), new ideas. Relearning the art of seeing the world around us is quite simple, although it takes practice and requires breaking some bad habits.

The first step in awakening senses is to stop predicting what we are going to see and feel before it occurs. This blocks awareness. One chilly night when I was hiking in the Rocky Mountains with some students, I mentioned that we were going to cross a mountain stream. The students began complaining about how cold it would be. We reached the stream, and they unwillingly walked ahead. They were almost knee-deep when they realized it was a hot spring. Later they all admitted they’d felt cold water at first.

Another block to awareness is the obsession(痴迷) many of us have with naming things. I saw bird watchers who spotted a bird, immediately looked it up in field guides, and said, a "ruby-crowned kinglet" and checked it off. They no longer paid attention to the bird and never learned what it was doing.

The pressures of "time" and "destination" are further blocks to awareness. I encountered many hikers who were headed to a distant camp-ground with just enough time to get there before dark. It seldom occurred to them to wander a bit, to take a moment to see what’s around them. I asked them what they’d seen. "Oh, a few birds," they said. They seemed bent on their destinations.

Nature seems to unfold to people who watch and wait. Next time you take a walk, no matter where it is, take in all the sights, sounds and sensations. Wander in this frame of mind and you will open a new dimension to your life.z.xxk

My First Marathon（马拉松）

    A month before my first marathon， one of my ankles was injured and this meant not running for two weeks， leaving me only two weeks to train． Yet， I was determined to go ahead．

    I remember back to my 7th year in school． In my first P．E． class， the teacher required us to run laps and then hit a softball． I didn't do either well． He later informed me that I was" not athletic"．

    The idea that I was "not athletic" stuck with me for years． When I started running in my 30s，I realized running was a battle against myself， not about competition or whether or not I was athletic． It was all about the battle against my own body and mind． A test of wills!

    The night before my marathon， I dreamt that I couldn't even find the finish line． I woke up sweating and nervous， but ready to prove something to myself．

    Shortly after crossing the start line， my shoe laces （鞋带）became untied． So I stopped to readjust． Not the start I wanted！

    At mile 3， I passed a sign：" GO FOR IT， RUNNERS!"

    By mile 17， I became out of breath and the once injured ankle hurt badly． Despite the pain， I stayed the course walking a bit and then running again．

    By mile 21， I was starving！

    As I approached mile 23， I could see my wife waving a sign． She is my biggest fan． She never minded the alarm clock sounding at 4 a．m． or questioned my expenses on running．

    I was one of the final runners to finish． But I finished! And I got a medal． In fact， I got the same medal as the one that the guy who came in first place had．

    Determined to be myself， move forward， free of shame and worldly labels（世俗标签）， I can now call myself a "marathon winner"．

While high school does not generally encourage students to explore new aspects of life, college sets the stage for that exploration. I myself went through this ____  (1)  ____ process and found something that has changed my ____  (2)  ____ at college for the better: I discovered ASL-American Sign Language(美式手语).

   I never felt an urge to ____  (3)  ____ any sign language before. My entire family is hearing, and so are all my friends. The ____  (4)  ____ language were enough in all my interactions(交往). Little did I know that I would discover my ____  (5)  ____ for ASL.

   The ____  (6)  ____ began during my first week at college. I watched as the ASL Club ____  (7)  ____ their translation of a song. Both the hand movements and the very ____  (8)  ____ of communicating without speaking ____  (9)  ____ me. What I saw was completely unlike anything I had experienced in the ____  (10)  ____. This newness just left me ____  (11)  ____ more.

   After that, feeling the need to ____  (12)  ____further, I decided to drop in on one of ASL club's meetings. I only learned how to ____  (13)  ____ the alphabet that day. Yet instead of being discouraged by my ____  (14)  ____ progress, I was excited. I then made it a point to ____  (15)  ____ those meetings and learn all I could.

   The following term, I ____  (16)  ____ an ASL class. The professor was deaf and any talking was ____  (17)  ____. I soon realized that the silence was not unpleasant. ____  (18)  ____, if there had been any talking, it would have ____  (19)  ____ us to learn less. Now, I appreciate the silence and the ____  (20)  ____ way of communication it opens.

The House of Commons Science and Technology Committee’s report，released last week，has blamed firms for making people sign up to long incomprehensible legal contracts and calls for an international standard or kitemark（认证标记）to identify sites that have clear terms and conditions．

“The term and conditions statement that we all carelessly agree to is meaningless drivel to anyone，”says Andrew Miller，the chair of the committee．Instead，he says，firms should provide a plain﹣English version of their terms．The simplified version would be checked by a third party and awarded a kitemark if it is an accurate reflection of the original．

It is not yet clear who would administer the scheme，but the UK government is looking at introducing it on a voluntary basis．“we need to think through how we make that work in practice，”says Miller．

Would we pay any more attention to a kitemark？“I think if you went and did the survey，people would like to think they would，”says Nigel Shadbolt at the University of Southampton，UK，who studies open data．“We do know people worry a lot about the inappropriate use of their information．”But what would happen in practice is another matter，he says．

Other organisations such as banks ask customers to sign long contracts they may not read or understand，but Miller believes social media requires special attention because it is so new．“We still don’t know how significant the long﹣term impact is going to be of unwise things that kids put on social media that come back and bite them in 20years’time，”he says．

Shadbolt，who gave evidence to the committee，says the problem is that we don’t know how companies will use our data because their business models and uses of data are still evolving．Large collections of personal information have become valuable only recently，he says．

The shock and anger when a social media firm does something with data that people don’t expect，even if users have apparently permission，show that the current situation isn’t working．If properly administered，a kitemark on terms and conditions could help people know what exactly they are signing up to．Although they would still have to actually read them．